who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
