dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
