porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
