DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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