I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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