pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
