i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
