Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
