you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
