How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
