The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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