my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
