I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i think i have two assholes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
