You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize