This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
