:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
