Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
