I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
