u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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