Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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