M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
