i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
