If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
