I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
