i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize