there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
