I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I need a beard to bite.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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