this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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