hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
