can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This house was built for laser tag.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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