I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
