How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize