Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
