her vagine was all disorganized.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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