Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
