If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
