My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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