god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize