The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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