Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
