even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
