trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i think my cat just said my name.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
