I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
