I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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