if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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