What a fucking waste of an outfit
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
