so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
