ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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