So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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