im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
