I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
