i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woke up backwards on a recliner
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
