How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize