I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
