its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize