You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
