You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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