In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
