Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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