Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
