Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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