you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
