my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
