she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
