I heard we made out
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Two words: nipple clamps
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