Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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