I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
