i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
