Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
