Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
