Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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