Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize