And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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